In the Midst of Despair
by satomika
Summary: When you're alone and stranded... When you're lost and confused... When everything just seems unfortunate and miserable... When it's everything you've been thinking of, anxious about, and worrying for... When you simply just don't know what to do and how to go about it... That's when you're in the midst of despair... When it tears you apart and destroys everything about you...


Start: January 31, 2008 9:50 pm

End: January 31, 2008 11:30 pm

A/N: I think this is my shortest fic ever!

Why do I even bother saying this when everyone knows that I friggin' don't own Flame of Recca!!

IN THE MIDST OF DESPAIR

FUUKO'S POV

They were right. You shouldn't give your trust to someone else – to anyone else; not even your so-called father, or your so-called mother; neither your so-called brother, nor your so-called sister; and most especially not your so-called friend, best friend, or close friend. Because they, all of them, will just hurt your feelings. They'll just betray you in the end and all you'll ever feel in the world is guilt – for you gave your trust to someone not worthy of it. In fact, no one is worthy of trust. Not even yourself. You. Yes, you. For you betrayed yourself by falling into their tricky traps, tangled up in a web.

Guilt is the only feeling left to me. I trusted my father and mother, but they weren't there for me during those times I'm already breaking down. They were close, but not that close for me to reach. Yes, they're close and yet so far…

I gave my trust to my older brother, but he left. He has a life of his own to live. He doesn't have the time to lend me his ears, even if just for a split-second, even during those times I cried for his help.

I gave my trust as well to my adopted younger sister. I thought that even cute kids won't betray you. But I was wrong. It was a wrong thought to think. She's just a kid, after all. Her points of views haven't matured yet and her decisions are all jumbled up. I really am at a loss. My so-called family built up a huge wall between me and them. Now I'm all alone.

Then came into the picture were my so-called best friends, close friend and friend.

I gave them all the trust that I have left, still, I ended up at a loss. Blood maybe thicker than water for them, but for me, it's not. Blood and water are just the same. Everything that the water has is also present in blood. Although blood have just some added components to it. But all in all, blood and water are the same. It makes no difference, it makes no sense.

Logically thinking, my so-called best friends have their life of their own. Not just life, but also a world of their own. Who am I to ruin their life and their world anyway? I'm just somebody they know, somebody they refer to as a friend. They won't need me because they already have each other. Their so-called love took away all the senses they had, and locked them in their own world – a world where only the two of them exist there; no chance for me to stay with them; no place to fit in. The trust I gave them completely forgotten.

Then there's my so-called friend. He keeps on sticking close to me. It was too close for my own discomfort, too close for my own taste. He keeps on proclaiming his so-called love for me. He's being insensitive. I gave him my trust but he abused it. He's selfish. He didn't recognize my feelings first before taking a move. He destroyed everything. He was blinded by that infatuation for me. He ruined one in a million of my chances. Because he was blinded, he couldn't see me in the darkest depths of my well-being. He's not the light that will save me in my world of darkness.

And finally, my so-called friend. Even though there's no chance for him to help me, I still gave him my trust. The both of us are rocking the same boat. He feels the same thing I feel. He's feeling the same pain I'm feeling. He's undergoing the same betrayal I'm also undergoing. He thinks that one shouldn't give his trust to someone else – even if you've known that person for a lifetime, and I think that, too. There are lots of similarities between us, but even so, we've kept distance from each other.

But that distance isn't that far too long. In fact he was just an arm's length from me. I could reach out to him; it's just that my choice is not to.

We're both like tangent circles, and out point of tangency is the tip of our middle fingers that touches the other. We could always reach out to the other, but it's our choice not to. We're trying to recuperate from the pain we've gone through.

But the truth is, we're just afraid to feel the same betrayal we've experienced. It was just an excuse not to get hurt again. We both fear that when another betrayal would happen, being betrayed by the other, then both would break down and suffer eternity for such loss. And we're both avoiding that at all costs. It was a major risk to risk and if we don't play our cards right, everything will disappear in a matter of a split-second.

Nevertheless, from that point of tangency, there's a tiny spark of hope for the both of us. It might mean something good, but otherwise, it would be our downfall and the cause of misery for an eternity. I just hope it's for the better of us who felt betrayed, and not some non-sensical jig.

…and I wish upon a star…

But who knows?

Who knows…

Until then…

We'll know the answer…

--OWARI FOR NOW--


End file.
